Being Santa is Tough

People say strange things to Santa Claus on the street:

"Don't give her nothin'. She's not been nice!"

"Yo, I heard Santa had a big dick, izat true?"

"Hey, if you're Santa where the ho ho hoes at?"

"I bet YOU'RE the real Santa, what's the name of the reindeer with the shiny red nose?"

"How you doing Santa? I think Santa needs a drink!"

"You're not the REAL Santa!"

"You need to eat some pasta, Santa! You don't look right."

Well that last one depends a lot on the type of Santa, doesn't it?
I need to gain weight to be a physically believable Santa apparently, which is weird because I used to be pretty large before the whole starving artist thing.

And what does Santa come up with to say? "Smart Toys has select toys 25% off! Smart way to make your holiday merrier! Ho ho ho!"

Being Santa Claus is no joke. Capitalism reigns. I wonder if I'll do it again next year...

~@JonGorga